Vomit Waits for No Man

This happened recently. On 6th November 2008, a friend of mine gives me a call. He wants some company to drink with. He has been preparing for GMAT for at least 3 months (sacrificing sleep and booze) and the end result is not good. So we head to tavern and drink beer.
Thursday ends and Friday starts. That evening, he calls me again. This time we head to Styx, along with a 3rd partner. After a few rounds of beer, we head back to his house, which is called GM house (remember the Garam Masala movie?). We still are not satisfied, so we decide to drink fenny. We have shots: we start with fenny + guava nectar. Then fenny + tomato sauce + chilli sauce, fenny + tomato sauce + chilli flakes (left over from a pizza), fenny + tomato sauce + worcestershire sauce.... The fenny is over!!!! There is an almost full bottle of Royal Stag. So continue the shots with the same combination, fenny replaced with whisky.

By the time the bottle is empty, I can hardly keep my eyes open. I somehow manage to stumble to the toilet, put 2 of my fingers down the throat, and vomit whatever I have consumed. I always do it before going to sleep, to avoid vomitting in sleep and risking death my suffocation. I know many great musicians (Jimi Hendrix and John Bonham, to name 2) have died after choking on their puke.

I wake up at 8 AM, as I have a few every important things to do that Saturday. With less than 5 hours of sleep, I am in real bad shape.

I just grab my things, slowly closed the door (which doesn't lock when closed from outside) and leave. On the way, I find a tender coconut seller. I feel soooooo happy, I drink 2. But the 2nd one was a tad overwhelming I think. I vomit right in front that guy. No problem, there is still some water in the coconut, and I can't drink it. I use it to gargle.
Then I reach my pocket to get my wallet and LO AND BEHOLD, NO WALLET. I have forgotten it in the GM house!!! I know I have some money in my backpack. Unfortunately (for the tender coconut guy), they are all in 500 Rs denominations. Luckily he agrees to wait until I get my wallet. I head back to GM house, get my wallet, find him on the way, pay him and continue.
As I continue, I want to vomit again? WHERE???? There are vehicles parked along the left of the road. So there is no place to stop the bike. There is a BMTC bus in front of me, which is being overtaken by a car. My bike isn't powerful enough, neither am I couragious enough, to overtake a car that is overtaking a bus!!!!

I see a right turn about 100m ahead. I know that once I am on that road, I can stop the bike and go to the gutter and vomit there. But the vomit has other plans. It just comes up to my mouth. Having no option, I swallow it. Immediately it comes up again. Stubborn me, I swallow it again. Vomit, my own vomit, which my stomach created with such love and care, is much more rude. It comes up again. Ok my dear vomit, I will let you go. So I let it go. It first fills the inside of my helmet, and drips down through that gap between the helmet and the chin, onto my jacket and jeans. All this happens within a span of 5 seconds and I take so many minutes to write it and you take so many minutes to read it!!!!! Well well well, now I don't even have to stop!!! So I continue on the nice and broad airport road. The cold (but already polluted) wind blowing on my face soothes me. Only until I get a signal. That's when the cold wind stops and the foul smell (of the puke absorbed by the helmet) enters my nose. I wanna puke again. But there is nothing in my stomach to vomit!!!! So sad, my guts ache. I manage to reach home somehow, drink water and vomit, repeat the same thing, and then take a hot water bath and then eat a banana and swallow a disprin. Now I feel fine. I feel as if I did not have alcohol the previous night!!!! But then I open the fridge and see a bottle of beer. I wanna vomit again.......

Do Not Waste Beer

It was a Saturday night and we guys had started drinking from 6 in the evening, at our then hangout, Legends of Rock in Koramangala. By the time it was 11, I had no control on myself. That is when I try pouring some beer from the pitcher into my mug. Duh.. I can't see clearly, and I spill some on the table. Immediately my concience begins to bother me, YOU BOOGERBRAIN, DONT WASTE BEER. Alrighty my dear concience, let me listen to you. So I suck the beer from the table. Aha, there is still some left on the table.. How am I going to drink it? I take a few tissue paper pieces, soak them on the beer and then squeeze them in my mouth. Yummy it was!!!!